Nueva News

Well news is slow here in Paraty, so I bring you a translation from a news article from "Isla Grande Weekly News", published a fortnight ago. This story came second billing, behind the headline story "Island butcher claims mincing machine 'now fully functional'":

Gringo Gas Fiasco

A potenial terrorist plot was barely thwarted this week, as a crew of police and firemen were alerted to a serious explosive threat on Abrainyo Beech, Tuesday. The fast response team, headed by police chief Marco Respek and escorted by two highly trained bomberos, ditched their usual transport of golf carts and VW campers and rushed in their high speed motorboat to the secluded dangerzone. Caught RED HANDED, two non-local sailors were found dangerously refilling gas bottles with total disregard to strict Brazillian safety regulations. The later-identified John Strickland, sporting terrorist beard, and Itsnick Jones, wantonly displaying positively anarchonistic dreadlocks, were swiftly repremanded by Chief Respek. The culprits, from the aptly named vessel REBEL, were sturnly ordered to put a hault to their dangerous antics. "We'll have no such rebellious activity on my island!" quipped Marco, who had patrolled the island for 4 years and was relishing his first callout. The islands inhabitants were naturally in shock by what happened - and what could have happened - on that fateful afternoon. "It's mad - just mad", pointed out local gas supplier, Cal Ogas. "The problem they had, right", he continued, gesturing to his own gas rig hoisted up a nearby coconut tree with his lit Lucky Strike, "is the lack of Gaffa Tape". "You got that right", agreed police chief Respek, dealing out the next hand of Canasta from the bottom of the deck. "Some people just aint welcome round these parts. You'd think they'd have got the message before when we picked up their anchor.". However, not all were in agreement. Sarah Pugny-Wales, a pousada-dwelling holiday maker dining out with a group from Stoke-On-Trent, disagrees. "Like, if the gas needs to be set free, right, then let it flow, huh? It's so beautiful here, just let it flow", she succinctly counterpointed, as the waitor brought another round of 4 cervejas and added 6 to the tab. Mr. Strickland and Mr. Jones were unable to comment after the event, claiming "nao falo portoguese.".